I went to therapy today. I have a tendency to rattle off hypotheses about my shit while there in the hopes that at some point the guy will either confirm or refute them based on his years of experience. But that never really happens. You go there hoping for wise old Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, but instead you get someone who’s primarily quiet and looks like your worst dressed, nerdiest co-worker on Casual Friday.
What he does do, however, is he constantly tries to counter hyper-negativity with an alternative perspective. For example, I talked today about how I thought the experience of going to the wedding in Portland was a test (going somewhere alone and being surrounded by and having to socialize with people I mostly didn’t know). And I failed that test tremendously because I was a fucking nervous wreck the entire time.
So he says, “Well that’s just one opinion. I could say to you that just going there with the knowledge that you wouldn’t know a lot of people was tremendously courageous.”
And I said, “You could say that. And maybe you even mean it. But I certainly don’t believe you or feel that way.” I suppose that was pretty dickish, but it’s supposed to be an honest environment.
Anyway, I figured that was that. Nothing gained from that exchange. But now I’m thinking that perhaps the goal is not to have an obvious verbal breakthrough, but merely to implant that positive counter-thought into the way I process shit.
Case in point: I was telling him how I was worried that I’m Daniel Johnston (I’m always making loose musician and athlete comps in my head, only because I like music and I like sports- not because I think their lives and mine are comparable). Anyway, the point was that maybe I’ll just end up getting worse as I age and have to end up increasingly reliant on family versus becoming more independent. He didn’t know who Daniel Johnston was, so the thought was a bit lost.
But then tonight I had this thought:
In doing some quick math, John Darnielle was born in ‘67 and Tallahassee came out in 2002, so that would mean he was probably writing those songs when he was about 34-35. And I know the subjects aren’t autobiographical, but I like knowing that he was older than me when he was having these dark, dark thoughts (referencing the lyrics from the album and the song above). So if I’m going to project an unreasonable floor on myself (Johnston), I suppose it’s only fair to project a concurrently unreasonable ceiling (Darnielle). At least that provides the head space to quietly and contentedly fall somewhere in the reasonable middle.
It’s not much, but maybe that’s the invisible hand of therapy at work- incrementally altering thought patterns enough to eventually turn a corner and get to an okay place.
Or maybe that’s thorough and complete bullshit. Maybe believing the right bullshit is what gets you through. I don’t know. This song is fucking great though.
Update: I shouldn’t think of Daniel Johnston as a “floor.” He’s very talented and wrote tons of great songs and he still plays shows and what not. It’s just that the whole needing to be taken care of in your 50’s because you’re severely mentally ill thing is horrifying. But I love him. He’s not a “floor.” If he’s that then I’m a basement right now.
Anonymous asked: Is it racist that a white, 20 year old unarmed kid was shot by a black cop on Monday, Aug 18, 3 days ago and its no where in the news? Oh wait, it happens all the time, its just not newsworthy. Sucks to be white.
Dear Racists: I know you’re going to to be trotting this out in the next few days claiming that this shows how white people are just as badly treated as black people in the US (though, of course, the idea that “it happens all the time” to white people is, of course, a ridiculous and disgusting lie).
But guess what, fuckheads, as usual, you’re wrong as fuck. The reason this tragedy isn’t national news is because, surprise surprise, a similar (ish) shooting of a white teenager by a black cop is being handled by the authorities completely differently! That’s right, you dumbfucks, this officer is being immediately and vigorously investigated, the officer’s name was released, the victim wasn’t denied medical care, nor was his body left on the street for hours. It’s almost like we treat black and white people differently in our justice system! And if you want to argue that the fucking Salt Lake City PD (oh shit, was I able to read about this case in the NATIONAL NEWS?!?!?! ) is racist against white people, you are fucking out of your mind.
So, nice try, you asshole, I know you were salivating over finding a case to compare this to Mike Brown, but, even with this timing, you’re not even fucking close to proving your racist “point.”
Oh my god. In that B.S. Report interview Nathan reveals that he, apparently for shits and giggles, created a persona as a psychic named Ronald Shoub. He made a website and videos and everything. I’m confounded by this man!
Also, Fielder is married! I need to know about this woman! What the hell is going on? Who is this guy??
I was watching a poker tournament earlier today that’d been sitting on my DVR for a week or so. It was a million dollar buy-in and the winner was a 23-year-old named Daniel Colman. Most of these tournaments look about the same to the casual viewer. This one would be no exception were it not for a few factors.
- The dude from the Paris Hilton sex tape somehow managed to finish in 4th place. I particularly enjoyed this because I feel like a room full of comedy writers would have struggled to come up with a funnier casting decision. Like, they would’ve gone around the table throwing out suggestions and then finally someone says, “How bout the guy from the Paris Hilton sex tape?” and it’d be met with “ooohs” and “aahs” and laughter and yeses. His name is Rick Salomon, btw. And if you assumed a guy who’s super into filming his own penetration shots would be a douchebag, you would be very much accurate. He was donning a Panama Hat and had a beard that was reckless and arguably irresponsible. Check this fucker out…
- The kid who won refused to talk to the media because he apparently has trepidation about playing poker for a living. I’m not totally clear why this is, but I love him not speaking to the media. It’s funny too because it’s an ESPN production and they were clearly salty about this. Right before the final few hands they aired a prepackaged segment about what an ungrateful shit the kid is. But moreover, I like it because it’s a remarkable level of discretion for a young person. Unlike other sports/games, your financial success in poker requires you actually taking the money you make directly from your competitors. Of course it’s consensual thievery, so I fail to see the problem. But maybe it bothers him. Maybe it doesn’t. We’ll never know because he’s not going to expand on it publicly. In an era where uncertainty doesn’t stop people from running their mouths (especially in a game with as much built in bravado as poker) I found it refreshing to watch someone voluntarily and aggressively shut the fuck up.
Unlike young Daniel Colman, I often fail to be quiet and then I regret it later. And I actually have more thoughts on this tournament. But this seems like a good stopping point for now.
Feel the Wrath of McGrath
This one seems appropriate.